Regency Etiquette and Deportment is a free, interactive conduct lesson set in 1813, part of the Accomplished Young Lady project. A strict, witty governess presents an eleven-slide curriculum covering posture and deportment, the Regency curtsy and how its depth varied by rank, forms of address for the Prince Regent, a duke, and a baronet, the protocol for entering an assembly room and acknowledging the hostess, ballroom regulations including the two-dance limit and the rule that refusing one partner barred a lady from dancing at all, the afternoon timing and brevity of the morning call, the scandal of putting on or removing gloves in public, the silent language of the fan, and the iron rule against an unmarried lady writing to an unmarried gentleman. The lesson ends with a scenario-based examination in which the player reacts to social disasters and earns an Austen-heroine ending based on their Reputation, Charm, and Wit. No sign up or download is required.
Your first Season is in London and you are, frankly, not ready. Sit up straight while your governess takes you through the rules, then submit to her examination. A conduct lesson for 1813, sourced from real period manuals.
"Sit down. No, not against the back of the chair. I have 3 weeks to make you fit for a London drawing room, and at present I wouldn't trust you in a hen-house. We begin at once."
Eleven short slides, then a small examination in which the ballroom, the drawing room, and the writing-desk each take a turn at ruining you. We'll see whether you let them.
Slide 1 of 11
Slide 1
Regency Posture and Deportment, and How a Lady Stands and Sits
You came into this room like a sack of turnips set down by a tired footman. That's what we fix first.
The Spine Is Not a Suggestion
Shoulders drawn back and down, chin level, the crown of the head lifted as though it hung from a string. Weight carried forward, over the balls of the feet, never dropped back onto the heels. Your mother wore a backboard for this. You may yet.
A Chair Is a Perch
You sit on the front third of the seat, and your back doesn't touch the chair back. Feet together or lightly crossed at the ankle, hands folded still in the lap. You could be in that chair 3 hours, and comfort isn't on the evening's timetable.
The Sin of Fidgeting
No drumming of fingers, no picking at your gloves, no folding your arms across your chest like a stagecoach driver waiting on a fare.
Common Blunder
A young lady at Almack's, worn out after 3 hours on her feet, sank gratefully back against the carved rail of a gilt chair. Lady Jersey saw her do it. The account reached Derbyshire before the girl's own carriage did.
Sit up. Now turn the page. →
Slide 2
The Regency Curtsy, and How Its Depth Changes by Rank
The Mechanics
Weight onto the front foot, draw the other foot behind it, then bend both knees straight downward. Not a bob, not a lunge, a slow controlled sink. The head inclines as you go down, eyes lowered on the way down and raised as you rise. Come back up smoothly, with no wobble and no hand thrown out for balance.
Depth Is Dictated by Rank
To an equal, or near it, the barest dip, scarcely a bend. To someone clearly above you, a baronet's lady or a peer's daughter, a distinct and unhurried descent. To a countess, a marchioness, or a duchess, lower still, and held a beat longer before you rise.
Royalty Is a Different Matter Entirely
Before the Prince Regent or a royal duchess, the knee goes nearly to the floor, and you don't turn your back as you withdraw. Presentation at Court means the full sinking curtsy in hoops and plumes. Practise it a hundred times before you ever need it once.
Common Blunder
A girl curtsied to a squire's wife exactly as low as she had, moments earlier, to the Dowager Countess standing beside her. Both ladies noticed the equivalence. Only one of them was flattered by it.
Down, and up. Again. …Adequate. Turn the page. →
Slide 3
Regency Forms of Address for a Duke, an Earl, a Baron, a Baronet, and the Prince Regent
The Prince Regent
The first time you address him, "Your Royal Highness." Every time after that in the same conversation, "Sir." You don't open your mouth until he has spoken to you, and you don't put questions to him.
A Duke or Duchess
The first time, "Your Grace." After that, "Duke" or "Duchess," or just keep to "Your Grace" and stay safe. A duke is the only rank below royalty grand enough for "Your Grace," and calling him "Lord" anything is a demotion he'll feel.
A Marquess, an Earl, a Viscount, or a Baron
To his face, every one of them is "Lord" and his title. "Lord Salisbury." "Lord Spencer." "Lord Byron." His wife is "Lady" and the same title. Anyone below him in rank says "my lord" and "your lordship." You never say "Marquess" or "Earl" or "Baron" out loud at him. In the room, an earl and a baron are addressed exactly alike. The difference between them is precedence going in to dinner, not a word you say.
A Baronet or a Knight
Always "Sir" with his Christian name. "Sir John," never "Sir Middleton." A knight is addressed the same way. Neither one is a peer, so neither is ever "my lord."
Their Wives and Their Children
A baronet's or knight's wife is "Lady" and his surname. "Lady Middleton," "Lady Lucas," never "Lady Mary," unless she's the daughter of an earl or higher and carries "Lady" with her own Christian name in her own right. The children go by rank too. A daughter of a duke, a marquess, or an earl is "Lady Catherine." A younger son of a duke or a marquess is "Lord Henry." Below that, the children are plain "Mr." and "Miss," whatever Debrett's calls them on paper.
Common Blunder
Addressing the Earl of Harborough correctly as "Lord Harborough," and then, 10 minutes later, greeting a baron with a hearty "Baron Cray." The first was right. The second told the whole table you'd learned the peerage from its index, because a baron is "Lord Cray" to his face, and "Baron" is a word for Debrett's, not for a drawing room.
Only a duke gets "Your Grace." Every other coronet in the room is just "Lord." Turn the page. →
Slide 4
Entering the Assembly Room, the Hostess, and Introductions
Announced First, Then Your Hostess
Your name is given at the door. Your first act inside the room is to seek out your hostess, curtsy, and pay her a few civil sentences. Only once that's done do you turn to your friends.
Introductions Move Downward and Inward
The gentleman is presented to the lady, the lesser rank to the greater, the newcomer to the established party. You're never introduced to a man without your chaperone's sanction, and you can't dance with a man you haven't been properly introduced to. At a public assembly the Master of Ceremonies makes that introduction.
The Unintroduced Man Does Not Exist
If you haven't been introduced, you don't bow to him, speak to him, or hold his eye across the room. Greet an unintroduced man and the room doesn't see friendliness. It sees a girl who is "fast," and it remembers.
Common Blunder
A young lady swept in, spotted a friend, and crossed half the floor to reach her before so much as glancing at the hostess. The hostess recalled it precisely when the next set of invitations was written out.
Hostess first. Always. Turn the page. →
Slide 5
Regency Ballroom Rules, and Why a Lady Never Dances Three Dances With One Man
Two Dances, and No More
A couple stands up together for a "set," which is two dances. You may partner the same gentleman for a second set later in the evening, and that's the very outer edge of what the room will allow.
A Third Dance Is a Public Declaration
A third dance with one man announces an understanding between you. If there's no engagement, you've just advertised one that doesn't exist, and handed every gossip in the room her evening's occupation.
Distribute Yourself About the Room
Part of a lady's duty at a ball is to be generally agreeable to the company. Monopolising one partner, or being monopolised by one, is a discourtesy to the whole set.
Common Blunder
A Miss Bennet, not that one, took a third dance from an officer because his conversation amused her. By supper it was settled fact that they were as good as engaged. He was posted to Newcastle in May. The fact stayed behind.
Two. Not three. Turn the page. →
Slide 6
Refusing a Dance in the Regency, and the Rule That Ends Your Evening
Refuse One, Refuse All
If you decline a gentleman's request to stand up, you can't then dance with anyone for the rest of the evening. Refuse Mr. A, take the floor with Mr. B ten minutes later, and you've told the whole room that Mr. A in particular was beneath you. It's a deadly insult, and it's remembered.
The Only Clean Refusals
You're already engaged for that particular dance. You're not dancing at all this evening, in which case you then truly must not. Or you're genuinely unwell, and one does wonder why you're standing in a ballroom.
The Escape Is Arranged Beforehand
If there's a partner you want to avoid, arrange to be already promised for the next dance before he can reach you. Don't improvise a refusal on the spot and hope the room is looking elsewhere. It isn't.
Common Blunder
A young lady told a tedious clergyman she didn't care to dance, and then, 20 minutes later, accepted a lieutenant with visible delight. The clergyman said nothing. His noble patroness said a great deal, at length, for a year.
Refuse once and you sit out the rest. Turn the page. →
Slide 7
The Regency Morning Call, and Why an Afternoon Visit Is Called "Morning"
"Morning" Ends When You Dine
Socially, the morning is every hour before dinner, and fashionable people dined at six o'clock or later. So a "morning call" is paid between 1 and 4 in the afternoon. Don't arrive at ten. Nobody is dressed, and you'll be remembered as the woman who arrived at ten.
15 Minutes, 20 at the Very Most
A call is short by design. You're announced, you sit, you make light and general conversation, and you rise before the visit turns into a siege. If another caller is shown in, take it as your cue to go.
The Card Does the Work You Can't
If the lady is "not at home," whether or not she's actually within, you leave a card and the duty is done.
Common Blunder
A caller settled in for a "brief visit" at half past one and was still there, warming to her third anecdote, at a quarter to four. The family hadn't yet eaten. They spoke of her for years, and never once with affection.
Come at two. Go by twenty past. Turn the page. →
Slide 8
Regency Glove Etiquette, and Why You Never Remove Them in Public
Gloves Go On Before You Are Seen
You dress your hands in private, the same as the rest of you. Peeling a glove off in a drawing room, or drawing one on out in the street, counts as a small act of undressing in public, because that's what it looks like.
The One Exception Is Dinner
Gloves come off completely for dinner, folded into the lap or tucked under the napkin, and go back on afterward. You don't eat in gloves, and you don't peel them off once you're seated either. They come off before you take your place.
Ball Gloves Stay On to Dance
Long white gloves stay on right through the dancing. A gentleman who turns up ungloved doesn't get your hand in the set.
Common Blunder
At a card party a young lady worked her gloves off finger by finger, at the table, because the room had grown warm. A dowager watched the whole operation through her lorgnette and asked, very sweetly, whether she was quite comfortable now.
Hands covered. Turn the page carefully. You're still gloved. →
Slide 9
The Language of the Fan, and How Much of It Was Real
A Working Vocabulary
Drawn slowly across the cheek, the fan says I care for you. Drawn through the hand, I hate you. Resting on the right cheek it means yes, on the left, no. Twirled in the left hand, we are being watched. Snapped shut, you have wounded me, though more often it just means the conversation is over.
Use It Sparingly
The fan says what your mouth isn't allowed to. It's also perfectly visible to every matron in the room, and each of them learned this alphabet before you were born. Signal with care.
It's Also, Genuinely, Just a Fan
A good deal of published fan "language" is later embellishment and fan-sellers' advertising. The room will still read intent into every motion of your wrist, real code or not, so govern your hands.
Common Blunder
A young lady, meaning only to cool herself, drew her closed fan through her hand while looking straight at a curate. He didn't speak to her again all season, and she never worked out why.
Mind your fan. Turn the page. →
Slide 10
Regency Letter-Writing Rules, and Why a Lady Never Writes to a Single Man
The Iron Rule
An unmarried lady doesn't correspond with an unmarried man. Not a note, not a line, not "just to thank him." A private correspondence between the two of you tells everyone, without exception, that a formal engagement already exists.
Once Engaged, the Door Opens
The moment the engagement is public, letters are permitted and expected. Break the engagement later, and every letter you wrote turns into evidence.
The Permitted Routes
Your mother writes on your behalf, and you add your compliments inside her letter. A family connection carries word by hand. Your father may write to the gentleman on business. You may write to him about nothing at all.
Common Blunder
A Miss Lydia, fine, that one, saw no harm in a little correspondence with an officer she wasn't engaged to. You've read how it ended. So did half of Meryton, out loud.
Put down the pen. Turn the page. →
Slide 11
The Examination, and Whether You Disgrace Us in London
You've had the lessons. Now the small catastrophes come one at a time, a third dance requested, a glove found at dinner, a note from a single gentleman, and we'll see what you make of them.
What Is Being Watched
Three things. Your Reputation (what the room says of you tomorrow), your Charm (whether they enjoyed you while saying it), and your Wit (whether you saw the trap coming). Your Accomplishment reflects how correctly you carried out the form itself.
Answer the way you'd truly act, not the way you think I want. I'll know the difference, and so will everyone in London.
How many times could a lady dance with the same gentleman at a Regency ball?
Twice. A couple stood up for a set of two dances, and one further set later in the evening was the outer limit of what was acceptable. A third dance with the same partner was read as announcing a private understanding, and where no engagement existed it exposed the lady to gossip.
What happened if a Regency lady refused a request to dance?
She was then barred from dancing with anyone else for the rest of the evening. Refusing one man and then partnering another was a public declaration that the first gentleman in particular was beneath her, and it was treated as a serious insult.
Why was a Regency "morning call" made in the afternoon?
Socially, "morning" meant every hour before dinner, and fashionable households dined at six o'clock or later. A morning call was paid between 1 and 4 in the afternoon, and kept short, roughly 15 to 20 minutes.
Could an unmarried Regency lady write to a single gentleman?
No. A private correspondence between an unmarried woman and an unmarried man was understood to mean that a formal engagement existed. Before an engagement, messages travelled through her mother or a family connection. Once the engagement was public, letters were permitted and expected.
Correspond
Pen Me a Note
I read every letter, and reply as promptly as good manners allow.
